black and white is alright

Some new pics...

self potrait



abstract..



the workplace...



these shoes looked lonely...



My friend Mio tagged this on the side of Sukothai for me...
sweet and funny all at the same time:)

Return of the Pant suit.

Is this not the most amazing pantsuit ever!

SPACE CAMP FOREVER!!!

PINK BUNNIES....

hahahahahaha

i love my friends...

matty....this is for you....

i miss my BC crew.

its official

i'm not a copy cat..

in response to my previous post i am simply a mutt of sorts...

who likes a mother load of things...

but oooooohhh!!!

so interesting...i should play trivia pursuit proffessionally..

bah!

work is boring....

so boring...just me and the clothes and the internet....thankfully..

right now i have cleaned and organized everything i can think of...i am beggining to teeter on the edge of insanity...talking to myself and day dreaming as par usual...

this entry will take up approximately 10 minutes of my time which will carry me through until around 4:00.

i got my visa yesterday....am i pumped...i can't wait to go to NZ...

i was thinking in the shower yesterday that i might just stay for a year...if i could work for 6 months, perhaps i could travel to a variety of fabulous countries for the other 6....europe, the middle east and india come to mind...

yes, i am crazy...Tony stop rolling your eyes...i'm allowed to change my mind! (and Matt...you too)

i wanna wanna travel the world..i love it so much..

but i also wanna wanna not work in boring jobs like i do right now..

soooo i gotta gotta go to school...

at least i think so.

the number 27 really deters me...it makes me feel embarrassed that i don't have a polished career or husband to be..

i hate that...who bloody cares anyways?

but i would be pumped for someone to join in on my crazy adventures and to eat my leftovers cause i always make to much:)

i'm so freakin cute its disgusting...

i got these pink rubber boots with purple polka dots and i love them...

i can sploosh through puddles and pretend to be five...

again, it really ups the cute factor...

dang pink polka dot booties...

dang dang...

but thats ok...i used up around 20 years of my life dressing like a boy, so now i am allowed a couple of years to be an all out girl.

i want to buy heels...i love them..its wierd..

i used to want to be a model...and an undercover fbi agent that could fight, speak 40 languages and throw herself over walls.

this explains some of the conflict i suppose.

i used to want to be an archeologist...i would pour over books about ancient civilizations. it still fasinates me.

i wanted to be an actor/singer/dancer for awhile to..i threw my knee out before my university musical theatre audition and never got to do it.

i would beg God to make me good at sports...i hated high jump...field day was personal torment day...my body never did what i wanted it to...i still daydream about that.

i even went through a phase where i wanted to be a traveling evangelist...i had met several and the thought of being filled with the power of God and making people fall over was realy cool...(i actually loved God then and genuinely wanted to work for him).

hmmm...

i decided that if the starship enterprise ever materialized i would definately want to do that.

i like space travel.

i still am living in the save the world phase. i want to be a journalist and a life changer.

i also really wanted to be a scholar. I love learning and would jump at a chance to grow into a proffessor.

installation artist, photographer, filmaker, musician, pilot...

ridiculous...what the heck am i supposed to study in school!

confusing..

i think so..

but thats the overactive brain i live with...

but...

i secretly love it...i feel like amelie, happy in my little quriky world.

i just wish i got paid for it.

now you've read to the end....aren't you annoyed you just did that..

ha ha it was catchy...

the end.

to the tune of jingle bells...

blog blog blog..blog blog blog...blog blog blog...blog blog....

ahem....

boy...am i ever depressing when i muse...i suppose its because i use up all my humor and charm talking all the time...

writing is my chance to sort out my thoughts....

i was always too serious...

this is why i can't wait to immerse myself in island culture again....

to be around people who don't take themselves quite so seriously and can laugh at their quirks...

laughing is a top pastime...

it will make it to my fingers eventually..

musings..

Within the span of 27 years...I have undertaken many different identities...i, in essence may just be a shape shifter...my ability to take on a new persona is almost frightening.

its growing old..i am less and less interested in being someone i'm not, trying to impress my peers or prove myself worthy..'i just want to be myself'...a comman coined cliche..

so this leaves me questioning..who am i really..

is there anything i possess which is truely my own...everything i know has been borrowed from someone else..

in so many words...we all copy cat what we see...our identities are pieced together from multiple encounters with the outside world, its rules and our closest kin.

my mother taught me to dress, eat and set in place my framework for viewing the world..my friends and popular culture set in motion my choices concerning fashion, music, even lingo...

'cool culture' tapped its foot, cleaving my decisions, announcing aloud what i could and could not do..

'christian culture' shook its head and frowned....

my family agreed...

why can't this girl get it together...?

i tried, gosh did i try...

Emptying every vat of culture i attempted to assimilate myself in look and gesture..

gaining supporters for a season, I learned to play along....

copy cat school complete..i graduated with honors...

but then...

i always seemd to leak.

opening at the seams, my akward self rushes to spill all over the floor...

much to my despair, the facade fragments and I am immediately branded 'wierd'.

quite overwhelming for a ten year old.

not concerning for the other ten year olds..

this is not a rant...a whine or a self pity parade...

its the reality of my experience...

a cycle of events which replays on repeat..

until the present.

so here i am being dramatic..i know who i am..getting back to the basics of self..

the self which was orchestrated and ordered

the self which was molded and quartered

the self who was taught and disordered

the self.